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Jokes
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single (of course).
One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests...I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large SPLASH!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could...the crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking. Finally, he made it to the other side unharmed.
The millionaire was impressed. He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain...which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?"
The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that WATER!!!Sphen and Rudy were playing pitch one night, and Sphen told Rudy that he was having an affair with his wife, but stressed that she is love with both of them, and does not know what to do. So as true gamblers would do, they decided to play a game of 10-point pitch, and the loser must promise never to sleep with her again. After the cards were delt, Rudy said, "Let's raise that stakes, let's play for a dollar a point." Scott, had a serious gambling problem, every time he came home his wife would ask him how much money he lost at the casino. Then one night, Scott never came home at all, and walked in the house at 9 AM, and his wife was glaring at him. Scott said "I have something to admit, I was at the bar last night, got drunk, and went home with the bar maid." The wife then replied "Don't give me that bull, how much did you lose last night at the dice table?" Buckshot was a compulsive gambler, and would bet on anything and everything; horses, dogs, football, baseball, basketball, snooker and even soccer games. When Buckshot was down to his last dollar, he went to his best friend and said "Roy, I need $1000, we have no food, I owe rent, the kids need jeans for school, and the wife won't leave the house because we have bad checks at all the stores. Can you help me out?" So his best buddy gave him $2000 to get him ahead, but on one condition, that he does not use the money for gambling. Buckshot's reply was "Oh, I have money put away for that."A Bum Asks a Man for $2. The man says, "Will you buy booze?" The bum says, "No." The man says, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum says, "No." So the man says, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
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